Why does everyone in soapland rush into relationships so quickly? One minute they’re having a drink in the pub, and the next they’re moving in together. Whatever happened to courting?
Despite having been cautious about Corrie’s Geoff, Yasmeen didn’t waste that much time in moving him into her home – and we all know how that one has ended.
Sarah has shared so many places with so many different men, you have to wonder why she doesn’t just advertise herself as a walking timeshare.
Even the normally sensible Ken moved Claudia in before realising that her aim was to get him into a retirement facility that proved to be about as thrilling as a holiday in the local morgue.
In EastEnders, couples rush into marriage – often several times. Long gone are the days when those marriages proved successful, or when any couple could get through a Christmas dinner without raising the carving knife to their partner.
Emmerdale has a fairly even mix of live-in arrangements and marriages, but rest assured that if you opt for the latter, the chances of your partner dying on you are way above the national average.
Till death do us part and all that – but does it have to be so soon?
CORONATION STREET
THE WHOLE TRUTH?
Will Yasmeen (pictured in court) see the light, or will she still find herself under Geoff’s control?
Finally, Yasmeen comes clean to Alya about Geoff’s torture, including making her clean non-stop (though how she always missed the hidden camera is a mystery) and eat her pet chicken.
And so, to the plea hearing, when Alya begs her gran to plead not guilty. Will Yasmeen (pictured in court) see the light, or will she still find herself under Geoff’s control?
What’s going to happen now that the video evidence has been destroyed? I still hold hope that it’s automatically been saved to a storage cloud and will be Geoff’s downfall, because my nerves can’t take much more of this.
Tim asks his father to leave (pictured) but he doesn’t have far to go, although even a skip would be too good for him
Yasmeen’s trial should be fun, though. You can’t beat a Corrie court scene, when the locals gather like The Muppet Show’s Statler and Waldorf on the balcony to enjoy the drama.
At least Sally is starting to see the truth and, thinking that Geoff’s story doesn’t add up, insists that he move out.
Tim asks his father to leave but he doesn’t have far to go, although even a skip would be too good for him.
‘You know what women are like,’ Tim said to Geoff yesterday, defending his dad’s resorting to escorts. Don’t say that if you’re standing near Sally with a broken bottle, Tim.
BRANCHING OUT
Another stranger turns up in the form of young scally Chelsey, who follows Carla (pictured with Chelsey) to the restroom and tells her she knows her
With Carla temporarily behind the bar of the Rovers, has anyone thought to check the stocks of her favourite tipple, red wine?
There are already distraught winemakers in Bordeaux working up a sweat for fear they won’t be able to meet the increased demand; grapes are sobbing for their mates being taken away in vats.
She’ll probably need more alcohol after learning that Scott worked with Johnny in the 70s and also knew her mum (seems like a lot of guys did – the apple clearly didn’t fall far from the tree where men are concerned).
Another stranger turns up in the form of young scally Chelsey, who follows Carla (pictured with Chelsey) to the restroom and tells her she knows her.
Please not another long-lost sister? Scott’s daughter with Carla’s mother? Another product of Johnny’s relationship with Carla’s mother?
This family tree has more branches than Sherwood Forest.
A query about Roy’s prices, by the way: £11.85 for sandwiches and coffee last week? In a backstreet café? How many more times, people? You have a Costa steps away and it’s loads cheaper!
EASTENDERS
BLACK AND GRAY AREAS
In fairness, the distress of recalling the details of the night Leo was killed was bound to push Whitney (pictured, with Gray) to the brink, and she’s always looked to a man to rescue he
What did I tell you? Mid-April I questioned how long it will be before Whitney and Gray get together.
Since working on Whitney’s case, Gray’s been spending a lot of time with her, and when he advises her about the forthcoming trial she leans in for a kiss.
The big question is whether he’ll succumb. Will the Elizabeth Taylor of Walford never learn? How about taking a break from men? Try knitting. Do a jigsaw. Read The Road Not Taken – and spend time in the lay-by assessing your options.
In fairness, the distress of recalling the details of the night Leo was killed was bound to push Whitney to the brink, and she’s always looked to a man to rescue her.
It’s a shame that instead of knights on white chargers, she picks the flamin’ horse who does nothing but trample her into the ground.
Maybe Gray will be too obsessed with his wife’s life to think of pursuing another love interest.
Unbeknown to Chantelle, he’s installed a tracking device on the car and is not happy to see various locations she’s visited, including Stratford.
Even someone as dim as Gray will realise that’s a veritable safari by Walford standards and he assumes Chantelle is having an affair.
In fact, Ben took the car while it was in the garage to carry out a dodgy job for Phil (is there any other kind?). Will Gray lose it again when he thinks Chantelle has been lying?
LIP SERVICE
The week before last, Phil (pictured) smiled. Really smiled – teeth and all. I didn’t even know he had molars
The week before last, Phil smiled. Really smiled – teeth and all. I didn’t even know he had molars.
What brought this on? Sharon returning to give fings anuvver go (how did he recognise her, given she seemed to have visited Donald Trump’s tanning salon?).
There’s more emotion when Phil delivers a speech at Dennis’s memorial. Will it be enough to hold him and Sharon together? Come on, Phil: give us another smile. I’ll just get my sunglasses.
EMMERDALE
TEA FOR TWO
That doesn’t prove the case for Lydia when an underlying anxiety makes Sam (pictured with Lydia) behave uncharacteristically
Which Dingle would you want to be trapped with in lockdown, given the choice? Obviously, Cain tops my list (no six-foot distance rule indoors, thank goodness), but I’d imagine Sam would be the least troublesome.
Alas, that doesn’t prove the case for Lydia when an underlying anxiety makes Sam behave uncharacteristically.
So, what’s the real issue? Food is certainly a concern, and why they’re miserably surviving on bangers and mash for tea is anyone’s guess.
They’d have been wise to move Marlon in; at least with a chef close by, a healthy diet would have been assured. I hope he’s doing takeaways somewhere.
IT’S THE DRINK TALKING
There’s little to do in the village except drink during normal times, so lockdown gives people the opportunity to indulge further.
At least, that’s what Aaron and Cain do when they get drunk and Cain becomes a bit loose-lipped.
It’s far from being a ‘buddy’ situation though, and it quickly descends into an argument. It was never going to be a hypothetical marriage made in heaven; Cain could start an argument with a dead stoat.
But when Aaron decides to give Cain some home truths, will Cain open up about his feelings? Please tell me he’s not about to discover he prefers men.
